Wednesday, December 11, 2019

"God as Disruption: The Call to Confront Our Pasts"


Exodus 2:11-3:12
11 One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to his people and saw their forced labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his kinsfolk. 12 He looked this way and that, and seeing no one he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. 13 When he went out the next day, he saw two Hebrews fighting; and he said to the one who was in the wrong, "Why do you strike your fellow Hebrew?" 14 He answered, "Who made you a ruler and judge over us? Do you mean to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?" Then Moses was afraid and thought, "Surely the thing is known." 15 When Pharaoh heard of it, he sought to kill Moses. But Moses fled from Pharaoh. He settled in the land of Midian, and sat down by a well. 16 The priest of Midian had seven daughters. They came to draw water, and filled the troughs to water their father's flock. 17 But some shepherds came and drove them away. Moses got up and came to their defense and watered their flock. 18 When they returned to their father Reuel, he said, "How is it that you have come back so soon today?" 19 They said, "An Egyptian helped us against the shepherds; he even drew water for us and watered the flock." 20 He said to his daughters, "Where is he? Why did you leave the man? Invite him to break bread." 21 Moses agreed to stay with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah in marriage. 22 She bore a son, and he named him Gershom; for he said, "I have been an alien residing in a foreign land." 23 After a long time the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery, and cried out. Out of the slavery their cry for help rose up to God. 24 God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 25 God looked upon the Israelites, and God took notice of them.3:1 Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian; he led his flock beyond the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. 2 There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire out of a bush; he looked, and the bush was blazing, yet it was not consumed. 3 Then Moses said, "I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up." 4 When the Lord saw that he had turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, "Moses, Moses!" And he said, "Here I am." 5 Then he said, "Come no closer! Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground." 6 He said further, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob." And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God. 7 Then the Lord said, "I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, 8 and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. 9 The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them. 10 So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt." 11 But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" 12 He said, "I will be with you; and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall worship God on this mountain."

              I wonder, what are you afraid of? Some people are scared of heights, never wanting to go more than a few steps up the ladder, staying away from the windows on the upper floors of office buildings, choosing an aisle seat on the plane, riding the entire time with their eyes closed and a death grip on the arm rest. Others are scared of snakes. Once there was a snake in the middle of the dirt road in front of my dad’s house. He went inside and grabbed he only gun in the whole place, a single-shot .22 pistol and what few bullets he actually had, then proceeded to walk out to the road (a safe distance from the snake), where he would fire a shot, reload, and fire again, in repeated attempts to kill the snake. My grandma heard the commotion from her house, so she came out the screen door, grabbed a broken pecan limb off the back steps, and walked barefooted right up that snake in the middle of the road, where she took the wide end of that stick and mashed the snake’s head right off the rest of its body. She then took the stick and, with a flick of her wrists, threw the snake’s body in the woods, looked at my dad and said, “You can go on back in the house now, son.” Some folks are scared of snakes.
              Of course, some folks are scared of spiders, not wanting any of those eight legs to come close, hyperventilating when they walk through a nearly invisible web. Then there are those of who are scared of clowns…I don’t think I need to say anything else about that. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld once noted that more people were afraid of public speaking than they were of death, saying, “According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”[1] What are you afraid of?
              To tell the truth, the thing that really scares me isn’t at the top of a ladder, it doesn’t have scales or multiple legs, and it doesn’t even come with a white-painted face or a rainbow wig. No, what scares me is the thought, the remote possibility, that I may wake up tomorrow, and the last twenty years of my life would have all been a dream, and I’m fifteen, having to face and relive a past that only feels like someone else’s story these days. To go back, to unwind the clock, to face, once again, the uncertainties of the road ahead—even with the knowledge that it can and will likely all shake out right in the end—that’s still frightening to me. I wonder if it was frightening for Moses, the call to go back, to confront his past; I tend to believe it was.
You know, we sometimes forget the details of Moses’ story, remembering only the broad, sweeping points highlighted in technicolor by Charlton Heston and Cecil B. Demille. Yes, Moses was placed on the water by his sister when he was an infant to protect him from the murderous order of Pharaoh; yes, he was drawn from the water (hence his name) by Pharaoh’s daughter and taken into her home, but he was nursed by his own mother, raised knowing his Hebrew heritage, which would have been made all the more obvious as he grew and looked less and less Egyptian. It’s why we heard in the text read earlier that “One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to his people and saw their forced labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his kinsfolk. He looked this way and that, and seeing no one he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.”
Moses knew who he was, the people from which he came, so when he saw an Egyptian beating one of his own people, Moses murdered the Egyptian and buried his body in the sand. I suppose he believed he had gotten away with it, because we’re told “he went out the next day, he saw two Hebrews fighting; and he said to the one who was in the wrong, ‘Why do you strike your fellow Hebrew?’” He buried the dead Egyptian in the sand and apparently slept soundly that night, because he was under the impression no one knew what he had done. In fact, Moses got up the next day, took a stroll and came upon two other Hebrews fighting and decided he’d be the voice of reason in the conflict, but instead, one of the Hebrews asked, "Who made you a ruler and judge over us? Do you mean to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?" Then Moses was afraid and thought, "Surely the thing is known." The jig is up! The cat’s out of the bag! Moses had been seen, and what’s more, those who had witnessed what he had done were spreading the word. And it wasn’t just the Hebrews, because “When Pharaoh heard of it, he sought to kill Moses.”
Why did Moses, the adopted son of Pharaoh’s daughter, try to hide his sin? Why wouldn’t he just run to the palace of the Pharaoh and throw himself at the ruler’s feet to beg for forgiveness? Surely this thing would be found out. Surely Moses’ crime couldn’t go unnoticed. He had to know that, right? Then again, it is our darkest sins that we believe go unnoticed. It is those sins we keep to ourselves, those that we believe never see the light of day and the vision of others that we are somehow able to carry with us, out into the full light of day, having hidden them in our hearts, in the convenient sands of the past. But even those sins are found out, for the root of sin is our selfishness, a selfishness that denies our culpability, a selfishness that clings to our own claims of innocence, a selfishness that seeks to speak over the still, small voice…the call of God—that selfish root of our sin inevitably betrays us, and the sins we believe to be hidden, forgotten, or unknown, find their way out of the darkness and into the light. Once there, rather than repentance or sorrow, they create within us that most dangerous of drives: fear.
When Pharaoh hears of Moses’ action, he seeks to kill Moses, so what does Moses do? Seek legal action? Confess and plead for forgiveness? No: “Moses fled from Pharaoh.” He was afraid, and his fear drove him into the wilderness, eventually to Midian, where he finds for himself a new life. He marries Zipporah, one of the daughters of Reuel (also called Jethro), a priest of Midian, and she bears him a son whom he names Gershom (a name that reminds Moses of his present situation as a stranger in a strange land).
We’re told at the end of chapter two that “After a long time the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery, and cried out. Out of the slavery their cry for help rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. God looked upon the Israelites, and God took notice of them.” Moses has been in Midian, with his wife, son, and new family long enough for his sins to be forgotten, long enough for the Pharaoh who had sought to kill him to die. Moses had seemingly outlived the consequences of his actions, and he had successfully run away from it, finding himself settled down, safe, comfortable, secure, and far away from the bloody sands of Egypt. No doubt Moses had all but put Egypt, his crime, and even his people out of his mind…until one day, when he “was keeping the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian; he led his flock beyond the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God.”
Just another day keeping the sheep, a day like so many before it. Moses goes out and comes up to Horeb (also called Sinai), the mountain of God. It was called that, because the people in Midian believed God lived on that mountain; it was quite common in the Ancient Near East to believe that gods resided on mountains, specifically at the top of a mountain. It makes sense, really. After all, not everyone is going risk climbing to the top of the mountain to prove whether a god was up there or not. Mountains were (and are) quite intimidating, especially when cast against the arid landscape of Midian. So, when Moses approaches Horeb, he knew he was approaching the mountain of God. Maybe that’s why the “burning bush” was so intriguing to Moses, knowing that this was on a holy mountain and not some simple brush fire on some old regular hill.
Of course, many of us know the rest of the story: “Moses said, ‘I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up.’  When the Lord saw that he had turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, ‘Moses, Moses!’ And he said, ‘Here I am.’ Then he said, ‘Come no closer! Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.’ He said further, ‘I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.’ And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God.” It turns out that this bush that blazes but is not burned up was God’s conduit, the presence of God, and through it, God calls to Moses. Moses has a close encounter of the divine kind, and I suppose for all the fear it raises in him, still, there is a sense of awe and wonder, to be in the presence of God, to hear this voice, calling from this miraculous site, on the mountain of God no less! Sandals and shoes are too profane for this moment, for this place, and Moses’ face too unworthy. This is the very presence of God, and Moses has been called out by name.
This is a rapturous moment indeed, but this divine voice that calls to Moses is not just the miraculous product of space and time, not the affirmation of a moment of worship. No, in this call is God, and God has a hard word from Moses: "I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey…The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them. So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt." I don’t doubt that as soon as God mentioned the word “Egypt,” Moses heart began to race, his palms sweat, and his knees became weak. “Egypt? They know what you did there…Egypt? Surely by now they had forgotten all about him, right? Egypt? Would they still say as one did all those years ago, ‘Who made you a ruler and judge over us? Do you mean to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?’”
To go back to Egypt was to go back to face his past, his sins, his reputation, all that he had sought to leave behind, all that he had run from out of fear, all that he had hoped was lost and forgotten. But God calls Moses out of the bush, “I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.” I mean, can’t you just hear the shakiness in Moses’ voice when he says to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Perhaps this is humility, but maybe more so, it’s the response of a man who had hoped to never face his sins again, the question of a man whose past had just slipped from the table of his memory only to be picked up off the floor and placed in front of him once more. Pharaoh…Egypt…surely they’d remember. Surely they’d be waiting. Surely his sins were not as far as he had hoped they would be. Even so, God calls, "I will be with you; and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall worship God on this mountain."
I don’t know about you, but I like to live my life on a one-way rail, with little need to go backwards, little need to revisit what has happened before. The present merely exists as a step towards the future, so each day becomes what I hope is a higher step towards a better tomorrow. The past is gone; entangled in the fabric of space-time, unreachable from this present moment, guarded by the cosmic speed limit of light itself. So I don’t worry about the past…and if you believe that, well then, I’ve got some magic beans you need to check out too!
The past lingers with us, haunts us, especially those sins that we buried in its sands. Time and distance only momentarily ease our minds, creating a false sense of security in the present. And just when we think it’s let us go, just when we believe that we’ve overcome our sins on our own…God calls. God calls, and we are forced to deal with what we’ve done, who we were, and how we’ve gotten to where we are now. God calls, and those secret sins we believe to be hidden from the rest of the world begin to see the light of day, and it frightens us, creates within us the anxiety of uncertainty, because what we had once thought was long forgotten is still very much alive—even if it’s only within our own souls.
But I don’t believe that God calls us to confront our past to shame us. God doesn’t call us to confront our sins to tear us down and leave us wrestling with our own self-worth. No, because God didn’t whisper the words “Pharaoh…Egypt” into Moses’ ear to watch him squirm in the anguish of an imagined torture and execution. No. God called Moses to confront his past, his sins, so that God could remind Moses "I will be with you…” That despite all that Moses was, all that Moses had done, God was still calling him. No matter the depth and darkness of that sin, God was still calling Moses, and God was still with Moses.
God calls us to confront our past so that we may see the goodness of God in our present, so that we may see the depth of God’s grace throughout our lives, so that we may know that God is not kept from us no matter how hard we may try to keep ourselves from God. God calls us to confront our pasts, and it’s a disruptive call, one that threatens all we have made for ourselves, a call that risks so much, a call that could very well end all that we have. Still, it is God who calls, and it is God in that call, speaking to us, "I will be with you.”
What are you afraid of? If it’s something you’ve long since buried, something you believed to be forgotten in the past, know this: God calls you to confront it, and no matter how disruptive it may be for you, God promises to be with you—in the midst of it all. Amen.




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